he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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