i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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