M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
