She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
