Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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