I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
