And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
