So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize