My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
