hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you win again, gameday.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
