Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's Friday. Sex?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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