is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
