I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
