you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize