Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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