dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
