I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
