I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
