She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So squirting runs in the family.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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