He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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