I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
