when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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