my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
