My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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