so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
