i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
