This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
