apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
