Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
