Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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