it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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