fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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