Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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