I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
