just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
