What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
