Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
