why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
