I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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