Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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