Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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