i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
