dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
