what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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