So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
