and you said cock pushups were impossible
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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