He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
