You're so nebulous sometimes
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
