she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
