Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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