i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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