She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
