Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
