So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
