i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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