I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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