The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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