dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
