just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
