guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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