I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
