Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
