not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
