Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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