i would punch a child for taco bell
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
