I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
