i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
