In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
