News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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