how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
