WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
