Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
