Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
