Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
